life is just so unfair. i lost my best friend, and now i lost my girlfriend, shizuko nishiguchi. she was really my everything. we promised loads for each other like intending to marry each other and have 2 kids. we're going to migrate to Japan to have a place of our own. we talked about almost everything that we could think of and we did just about anything too. as im typing this entry, i could feel extreme loss. The loss of a loved one who turned her back on me. she threw away our hopes and promises right at my face. she made me feel that love has a thorn at its back, despite being so rosy and beautiful at its front. i never knew it would come to this point, where she feels that enough is enough and she would shatter my dreams into smithereens. i really felt she was being selfish, as she settled on her own feelings without consulting me. she made her own decision and she made me a fool. a fool who was fooled by love. a fool who could give almost everything to her. a fool who thought life was like a bed of roses. a fool who thought wrong. im such a fool. i wanted so much for her but yet, she wanted so little for me. we shared a life for 1 year 10 months. 22 months to be exact. seems long but when you're there in the moment, somehow you got lost in it and you can only remember the world who is in front of you, who is your everything and the world who shared a life with you. i have absolutely no idea how im supposed to get over her and how long it will take. it may take days, it may take months. But i do know it will be very hard because i still love her. i just love her soo damn much.
i just feel so empty inside, so incomplete, so weak and i feel unloved. no one will be there to tell me that everything is alright. i need to pluck up the strength from somewhere to get rid of this. I NEED TO FIND THE STRENGTH, I NEED TO FUCKING FIND IT!
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